Are you in a situationship? 6 signs to look out for
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Some relationships have staying power, and others don’t. Explore 6 signs of a situationship, the pros and cons, plus when to move on or stay in it mindfully.
Does the person you’re dating disappear for a few days without contact? Or do they shy away from going deeper when it comes to sharing about yourselves? Do you find your time with them is kind of surface-level, or based around activities that involve little to no talking like watching TV or going to the movies?
If you’ve ever been in a situation that feels like more than just casual dating, but still has less commitment or clarity than a defined relationship, you might find yourself wondering, “What exactly is going on between us?”
Spoiler alert: You could be in a situationship.
There’s no denying that relationships can take on many forms, and not all of them fit neatly into categories like traditional dating or being in a committed relationship. And while having no clear label can be exciting and work for some, if you crave stable partnership, being in a situationship can also create feelings of uncertainty and leave you questioning what the other person really wants. Let’s dive in deeper.
What is a situationship?
A situationship is a romantic or emotional connection between two people that exists without clear labels or commitments.
POV: You’re spending time together, dating or being intimate, but there’s no official title. It can feel like you’re in a relationship at times, but there’s an unspoken understanding (or sometimes no understanding at all) that things aren’t fully defined or official. You might meet each other's friends but not parents. Or you might not talk all the time but get together on weekends… it’s “relationship-ish,” but not the real deal.
Situationships can happen for many reasons. Maybe one or both people aren’t ready for a serious commitment, or enjoy the flexibility of being casual without traditional relationship expectations like moving in or getting married. Situationships can also happen when one or both parties are unsure of their feelings, or are recovering from a previous heartbreak.
Situationships can feel comfortable in the short term, but over time, the lack of clarity can cause frustration, anxiety, stress, or feelings of rejection.
6 characteristics of a situationship
If you’re wondering whether you’re in a situationship, certain signs can help you figure it out. Here are some of the most common, although some of these circumstances can exist in more defined relationships as well. If you’re ever curious about where you stand, the best thing to do is ask.
Lack of clear communication: You might hang out regularly, but there’s little talk about what you both want from the relationship or where it’s headed.
No labels: You aren’t calling each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” and the relationship hasn’t been defined, even though you’re spending a lot of time together.
Inconsistent behavior: Your partner’s actions can be unpredictable. Sometimes they’re all in, giving you lots of attention, and other times they seem distant.
Limited future planning: You might not make plans far into the future. Trips, holidays, or big events together might be avoided.
Physical connection without deeper commitment: There may be physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy is lacking.
Frequent uncertainty: You might feel anxious about where the relationship stands or what the other person feels.
Pros and cons of an undefined relationship
While the lack of labels can feel freeing and low-pressure, it can also lead to confusion and emotional stress if you’re looking for more clarity or commitment.
Situationships can be positive if both people are genuinely happy with the arrangement. If you’re enjoying the freedom, don’t feel the need for labels, and both of you are on the same page about commitment, a situationship can be a great fit.
On the other hand, if you’re feeling anxious, unsure, or unhappy because of the lack of clarity, a situationship might not be the best fit for you. Check in with yourself about how you’re feeling and what you really want.
Pros
Flexibility: Enjoying the connection without the pressure of labels or commitment.
Exploration: Getting to know someone better without rushing into a serious relationship.
Less pressure: Reduced expectation to meet certain milestones or goals.
Cons
Emotional confusion: Feelings of uncertainty or rejection if one person wants more than the other.
Wasted time: Situationships might mean you’re delaying finding someone who wants the same commitment that you do.
Attachment without commitment: Developing feelings for someone can make it harder to let go when things don’t progress.
Lack of stability: Uncertainty about frequency of meetings, mutual feelings, and potential involvement with others.
How to handle a situationship
The beginning of any relationship can be a bit unclear and that’s totally normal. But, if it’s been some time and you’re still not sure where you stand, there are a few ways you can proceed.
While you might just want to sink into the warm glow of a newer romance, the truth is that handling a situationship requires you to stay in touch with your feelings and be honest with yourself about what you want. Here are a few ways to move forward.
Keep it going with clear boundaries
If you’re comfortable and you’re both on the same page, it’s totally fine to keep things going as they are. But, even in a casual or undefined relationship, it’s important to set some clear boundaries so no one gets hurt. Here are nine tips for setting healthy boundaries.
Even though you may not be looking for commitment, it’s still important to discuss what you both want. Are you okay with seeing other people, or do you expect some level of exclusivity? What kind of emotional support do you expect from each other? Clarifying these things can prevent hurt feelings down the road.
💙 Explore our session on Boundaries from the Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt.
Move on and seek what you really want
If the uncertainty of a situationship is starting to wear on you, or if you realize you’re looking for something more serious, it might be time to move on. Moving on might hurt, but staying in a situationship when you want more can leave you feeling emotionally drained. You deserve a relationship that fulfills you, and it’s okay to walk away if this one isn’t doing that. Here are seven tips for taking a mindful break in a relationship.
Reflect on what you need before making any decisions. It’s important to take time to think about what you really want from a relationship. Do you want more stability, commitment, or clarity? Are you looking for a partner who can offer a deeper emotional connection? Understanding your needs can help you make the best choice for your emotional health. You might say something like, “I’ve enjoyed spending time together, but I’m looking for a committed relationship, and I don’t feel like that’s where we’re headed.”
In some cases, the other person might feel the same way and want to take the relationship to the next level. But if they’re not ready for a commitment or don’t see the relationship going in that direction, be prepared to move on, even though that might feel hard.
💙 Navigating life and looking for what you really want can be hard. Explore our Building Resilience series to help you prepare.
Define it as a relationship
If you’re feeling uncertain in your situationship but aren’t ready to move on, consider a conversation about turning it into a more defined relationship. It can be scary to bring up, especially if you’re worried about how the other person will react, but it’s also empowering. You deserve the clarity you need to move forward. Here are seven ways to communicate your needs in a relationship.
Choose a time when you’re both relaxed and open to talking so you’re both in the right mindset to have an honest conversation. Share how you feel, without making it sound like an ultimatum. You might say something like, “I’m looking for something more serious. I’d love to hear how you’re feeling and whether you’re open to exploring that with me.” Then give them space to respond.
They might feel the same way and want to move forward, or they might not. Either way, you’ll have a clearer understanding of where you stand.
💙 Communicating your needs in a relationship can be tricky but practicing Kind Communication can help.
5 types of non-romantic situationships
While situationships are often romantic, they can happen in other types of relationships, too. Friendships can sometimes fall into this category when they’re only meant to be temporary, or more casual. In most cases of a non-romantic situationship, the casual nature of the relationship is comfortable for both parties.
If you’ve had these experiences and wonder if you dropped the ball not keeping in touch, don’t fret. These kinds of temporary relationships are normal and totally okay. With that said, who doesn’t like to hear from an old friend? So reach out if you feel inclined.
1. Roommates
One of the most classic types of situationships is a roommate. Whether it’s a college roommate, or someone you live with as an adult, these relationships are usually meant to be temporary unless you had an established friendship before, or develop a close friendship while living together.
2. Classmates
There are so many people you meet during your schooling years, especially if you change schools as a child or transfer from one college to another. While you might make life-long friends in school, you’ll probably also meet and enjoy time with dozens of other folks you may never see again, or only encounter at reunions or alumni events.
3. People you meet traveling
Sometimes you make temporary friends while on vacation, traveling for work, or while studying abroad. It can be fun to have dinners, or explore a new place with someone else, especially if you’re traveling alone. You might even keep in contact while you’re traveling, but if this person isn’t meant to remain in your life you might notice the communication drops off once you return home.
4. Neighbors
Maybe you wave to your neighbor every day when you see them walking their dog, or chat about the weather or holiday decorations you put up on your home, but perhaps you can’t remember their name, or know nothing personal about them. While some folks are close with their neighbors, others have more casual interactions that would end entirely if someone moved away.
5. Other parents at school
If you’re a parent, you may get to know other parents from your children’s school. You might see them at school functions or PTA meetings but the second your child matriculates or changes school, you never see each other again.
What is a situationship? FAQs
How do you know if you are in a situationship?
There are a few ways to determine if you could be in a situationship. Here are some of the more common signs.
You might feel like you’re more than casually dating but not fully committed either. One big clue is the absence of labels or discussions about the future.
If you’re spending time together, sharing personal details, and being physically intimate without defining your relationship, it’s likely a situationship.
If you find yourself asking, “What are we?” or questioning how the other person feels about you, that confusion often indicates a situationship.
If future plans or deeper commitment haven’t been discussed, and there’s no exclusivity, you’re likely in that in-between space.
Can you turn a situationship into a committed relationship?
If you’ve developed deeper feelings and want commitment, express that clearly, even though the conversation might be daunting.
Start by sharing your feelings without putting too much pressure on them — mention that you’ve enjoyed your time together and want to see if a more serious relationship is possible.
If they feel the same, great: this might lead to something more committed. If not, respect their feelings and decide what’s best for you moving forward.
Can you have healthy boundaries in a situationship?
Just because the relationship isn’t defined doesn’t mean your feelings or emotional needs should be overlooked.
Start by discussing your expectations: agree on how often you'll see each other, whether you're seeing others, and how much emotional support you expect. Being upfront can help prevent misunderstandings and ensure you're both on the same page. Regularly revisit these boundaries to check you’re both still comfortable.
If the situationship feels unbalanced or you're uncomfortable at any point, bring it up and adjust your boundaries (here are six tips to help). Healthy boundaries create a space where both people feel respected and valued, even if the relationship remains undefined. Remember, it’s all about protecting your emotional wellbeing while staying true to what feels right for you.
What are the emotional risks of staying in a situationship too long?
The uncertainty that comes with not knowing where you stand or what the future holds can create anxiety and stress. This constant questioning can affect your self-esteem, leaving you feeling unsettled or rejected.
Another risk is developing an emotional attachment without clear commitment. You might start to care deeply for the other person, but if they’re not equally invested, it can leave you feeling unfulfilled. Over time, this imbalance can lead to frustration, hurt, and even resentment.
Lastly, if you’re in a situationship waiting for it to evolve, you may be missing out on finding a relationship that better meets your needs. Check in with yourself and ask whether the emotional risks of staying in the situationship are worth it. If it’s causing more harm than good, reevaluate and consider what’s best for your emotional wellbeing.
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