How to talk about mental health on a first date? Try these 6 tips
Explore the results of a new study from Match about the benefits of discussing your mental health on a first date, and learn how to do it effectively.
There’s nothing more magical than a great first date. Time flies by, the conversation flows effortlessly, and you find yourself sharing more than you ever thought you would. And still, no matter how well the date is going, you might hesitate before bringing up your mental health.
Maybe you shouldn’t, though. A new study from Match found that 74% of British single people see mental health openness as a “green flag” in a potential partner, and 88% said they feel comfortable discussing it on a first date. This marks a big shift from even just a few years ago, when 68% said they’d never talk about mental health on a first date, for fear of judgment or rejection.
“The days of feeling like you need to put on a pitch perfect performance for a successful date are long gone. Single [people] want to start something real, and in order to do so, they are approaching dating with more candor than ever before,” said Harley Quinn, a dating and relationships expert for Match.
“By being open about their mental health and relationship expectations, single [people] are empowering themselves to build meaningful partnerships, where they can meet each other's needs, and create happy, stable relationships.”
Why to talk about mental health on a first date?
It can be scary to consider talking about your mental health on a first date, but most people would welcome it. In fact, 86% of respondents in Match’s study said they believe that having honest chats about mental health can build a strong foundation for a relationship, highlighting the value people place on emotional transparency.
Addressing mental health early shows vulnerability and fosters trust, allowing everyone to feel more seen and understood. In addition, it can help both people to identify shared values and emotional compatibility, which are critical for any long-term relationship.
6 tips to help you discuss your mental health more easily
Even if you’d like to open up about your mental health on a first date, it can be tough to know how to do it. Do you just dive right into your history? Is it necessary to ask them about theirs? What if they get uncomfortable?
To help you navigate this sensitive topic, Quinn laid out six tips to bring it up with confidence and keep the conversation going, no matter what.
1. Start by sharing
Remember that you have the ability to set the emotional tone by how open you’re prepared to be on a date. People will often feel much more comfortable sharing how they feel when you take the first step by being candid yourself.
Instead of spending too long on small talk, open up about what’s really on your mind that day in order to build an emotional connection. This should also make dates feel more rewarding for you, as you’re speaking authentically about who you are. Phrases like, “If it’s okay, I’d love to share with you…” can help kickstart the conversation.
2. Check their comfort level
Dates should be fun, but they can include more intimate moments too. When you take a step in that direction, notice your date’s reaction: Do they quickly change the topic, or do they seem more relaxed now that you’ve broken the ice by being more vulnerable?
Some people may need more time before getting personal, and that’s okay. If they’re not ready to go there yet, take a step back into more neutral conversational territory. Having the emotional awareness to adapt to how your date is feeling is an attractive quality.
3. Be clear about what you need
It can be hard to know what your date wants and needs, especially if you’ve just met. Instead of making assumptions, try communicating more openly.
For example, if your date tells you a story about how much they love their nieces, don’t assume it means that they want children of their own. If this is a dealbreaker for you, it could be a good opportunity to say something like, “That’s so sweet. I love kids — one day, I’d love to have one of my own,” and see what they say.
By being honest about what you want, you give yourself the power to transform your relationship with them into something deeper.
4. Give your date space to open up
Silence makes some people anxious, but don’t feel like you need to fill every moment with conversation. Make sure your date has time to respond too.
After you’re finished speaking, pause, and make eye contact. This gives your date space to contribute and sends a subtle signal that you want to listen to them. Often saying less, and listening a little more, is a great way to help your date to open up.
5. Keep the tone positive
When you bring up your mental health, remember to keep the tone positive. Let your date know that the reason you’re being open with them is that you want to connect with them more.
Instead of being overly self-deprecating, talk about mental health through the framework of how it’s helped you to grow, learn about yourself and build resilience. It might even be helpful to share some things that help you to stay feeling calm and positive so your conversation feels focused on solutions.
6. Be yourself
Keep in mind that you’re not on a date to impress or win over the other person. Your goal should be to authentically represent who you are, learn about someone new, and see if there’s a connection.
When you speak more openly, ask questions you’re genuinely curious about and discuss topics you love. If someone appears disengaged, or isn’t able to meet your needs, this isn’t a failure on your part. It’s just a sign that you’ll be more compatible with someone else.
Get 50% off Calm Premium with Match
To help people care for their mental health in the quest for love, Calm has teamed up with Match to offer 50% off Calm Premium memberships for a limited time to existing or new Match users in the UK, who have never tried Calm Premium in the past. Use the code MATCHUK50. Click here to redeem.
*Study conducted by OnePoll across 1000 UK adults aged 18+ who are single and actively dating from 24th December 2024 to 3rd January 2025.
Match Offer Terms & Conditions
Existing Match users or new Match users can redeem 50% off Calm premium memberships. The discounted subscription automatically renews into a 1-year subscription at the then-current retail price, then automatically renews each year at the then-current retail price until cancelled; cancel any time. Only available to Match subscription members in the UK. Not available to customers who have tried Calm Premium in the past. Offer valid through March 31, 2025. Additional terms and conditions apply.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
