How to handle toddler tantrums? Try these 7 tips & techniques
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
We share 7 tips and techniques to handle toddler tantrums with more ease. Plus, explore the causes of tantrums & how to help toddlers manage their feelings.
There’s nothing more frustrating for parents than watching their child throw a tantrum.
We all know that tantrums are a normal part of a toddler’s development, and that they occur because young children are still learning how to regulate their emotions and communicate their needs effectively. However, that’s cold comfort when your child loses it because you served lunch on the purple plate instead of the yellow one.
Luckily, there are strategies you can employ to keep your calm during these stressful moments and navigate toddler tantrums more effectively.
What are the causes of toddler tantrums?
Toddler tantrums can seem sudden and unpredictable, but they’re a natural part of childhood development. As toddlers grow, they experience intense emotions that they might not yet have the ability to manage or express verbally. By being able to predict common tantrum triggers, parents and caregivers can prepare strategies to handle these episodes calmly and effectively.
Emotional development is a work in progress: Toddlers are just beginning to develop emotional regulation, or the ability to control and manage their feelings. Their inability to fully handle these emotions often results in tantrums.
Communication gaps can be very frustrating: Toddlers often know what they want or need but lack the verbal skills to express themselves clearly. Their frustration can lead to tantrums.
Desire for independence can clash with ability: As toddlers grow, their desire for autonomy increases. When you impose limits or prevent them from finishing tasks, they may throw a tantrum.
Everyday problems can lead to big emotions: Being tired, hungry, or overstimulated by their environment can trigger tantrums, and simple things like having to leave the playground when they're still playing can too.
How to help a toddler manage their feelings
Validate their feelings so your child feels understood
Let your toddler know that it's okay to feel upset, angry, or frustrated. Acknowledging their feelings can be validating. For example, you might say, "You're angry because you can't play with the toy right now. That’s very frustrating!"
Name emotions to help your child articulate their feelings
Teaching toddlers the names for different feelings helps them identify what they are experiencing. This skill is key in helping them articulate their emotions in the future. Use simple language, like, "It sounds like you're feeling disappointed because we have to go home."
Model emotional regulation strategies your child can also try
Children learn a lot by watching adults. Show your toddler how you manage your own feelings when you are upset. This might mean taking deep breaths, using a calm tone, or expressing your feelings in words.
Make problem-solving fun for next time
When your toddler is calm, help them think of ways to handle similar situations in the future, perhaps even using mindfulness. This could involve coming up with different solutions together, like finding a new game to play when their favorite toy isn't available or focusing on their breath when they’re feeling upset.
Create a calm down space for self-regulation
Designate a quiet spot in your home where your toddler can go to feel calm. This space can have items like soft pillows, books, or stuffed animals. It’s a place they can learn to go on their own when they start feeling overwhelmed.
Practice routine and predictability to reduce outbursts
Having a predictable routine can provide a sense of security for toddlers, making them feel more in control and less likely to have emotional outbursts. Regular meal times, naps, and playtimes are examples of how structure can benefit their emotional stability.
7 tips for handling toddler tantrums
1. Stay calm and composed during the tantrum to model self-regulation
This can be difficult, but remember that getting angry might escalate the situation, while a calm demeanor can help soothe your child. Speak in a gentle but firm tone to convey control and reassurance.
💙 Learn how to Get Grounded when your toddler is upset, so you can do your best to stay calm.
2. Acknowledge their feelings so they feel understood
For instance, you might say, "I know you're upset because you can't have the toy right now." This acknowledgment can help them feel heard and begin to calm down.
💙 Teach your child that Labeling Emotions is a great way to help explain what they’re feeling.
3. Use distraction and diversion to prevent a tantrum from escalating
Find something else for your toddler to focus on. For example, if a tantrum starts over leaving a location they’re not ready to leave, you might redirect them, or distract them with the promise of a different enjoyable activity, like reading their favorite book when they get home or playing outside before dinner.
4. Implement consistent rules and consequences so your child knows what is expected of them
Make sure the rules and their consequences are communicated clearly and always applied in the same way, which provides a predictable environment that can reduce tantrums.
💙 Discover how Consistency can help a child predict outcomes and expectations, which may help reduce tantrums and stress.
5. Offer control over small decisions to prevent power struggles
Offer them limited choices that you are okay with, like deciding between two snacks or choosing which shoes to wear. This gives them a sense of autonomy within safe limits.
💙 Practice giving your child more ownership of their decisions with the help of this meditation on releasing Control.
6. Encourage taking time to cool off
Taking a moment to cool off is effective for kids and adults. Explain in simple terms that a timeout is a period to take deep breaths and relax before returning to activities.
💙 Learn how to Pause to Breathe, which may help you respond to your toddler’s tantrum in a way that is not reactive, and may help your child calm down, too.
7. Praise positive behavior to encourage them to repeat it
Whenever your toddler handles a situation well or manages their emotions effectively, acknowledge it. Say things like, "I'm really proud of you for using your words when you felt sad." This reinforces the behavior you want to see and encourages them to repeat it.
💙 Tune into your Strength on the Inside, as this can help remind yourself that you are doing your best each day.
7 techniques to prevent toddler tantrums
Preventing toddler tantrums often involves putting strategies in place proactively, to address underlying causes before they escalate. Incorporating these preventive measures into your daily routine can significantly reduce the occurrence of tantrums.
1. Establish a structured routine to reduce anxiety: Try to keep regular times for meals, naps, and bedtime. This structure helps them know what to expect throughout the day, which can reduce anxiety and prevent tantrums caused by unexpected changes.
2. Ensure adequate sleep and proper nutrition to reduce emotional outbursts: Lack of sleep and irregular eating patterns can make toddlers more prone to emotional outbursts. Make sure they get enough sleep at night and have consistent, nutritious meals and snacks.
3. Create opportunities for meaningful play to use up energy in positive ways: Activities like running, jumping, and playing outdoors can help reduce stress and boost a kid’s overall mood.
4. Support self-expression skills to reduce frustration: You can help them build their vocabulary by reading together and naming emotions during different activities throughout the day. This can decrease their reliance on tantrums as a form of communication.
5. Monitor and adjust the environment to suit your child’s needs: Places that are loud, crowded, or overly stimulating can trigger tantrums for some children. Whenever possible, choose settings that are more conducive to your toddler's comfort or prepare them in advance for what to expect in different situations.
6. Spend quality time together to reduce attention-seeking behavior: Reading together, playing games, or just talking can fulfill your toddler’s need for attention and reduce the likelihood of tantrums.
7. Anticipate and plan for transition times to help your child manage complex situations: Transitions can be hard for toddlers. Giving a five-minute warning that a change is coming and then a two-minute reminder can help them adjust. For example, you might say, "In five minutes, we'll clean up the toys and then read a book." Letting them set a timer can be effective too.
How to handle toddler tantrums FAQs
How can I tell if a tantrum is a sign of something more serious?
Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development, but there are signs that could indicate more serious issues. If tantrums are excessively frequent, particularly intense, or last longer than what seems typical for their age (usually more than a few minutes), it might be a concern. Other red flags include your child hurting themselves or others during tantrums or struggling to calm down without significant assistance. If you notice these patterns, it may be helpful to consult with your pediatrician or a child psychologist for further evaluation.
What are the most effective ways to calm a toddler during a tantrum?
The most effective ways to calm a toddler during a tantrum include staying composed, acknowledging their feelings, gently diverting their attention to another activity, or providing a quiet space where they can calm down. Remember that each child is different, so it may take some experimentation to find out what works best for your toddler.
How should I react to tantrums in public places?
Handling tantrums in public places can feel daunting, but maintaining your composure is key. Quietly—but firmly—explain to your child that their behavior is not appropriate and try to redirect their attention to something else. If the tantrum escalates, it may be necessary to remove them from the situation. Taking them to a quieter or more private space where they can calm down without the extra stimuli of a public setting can help. It’s also useful to have a plan before going out, such as identifying a calm place to go if a tantrum starts.
Can discipline be effective in managing tantrums, and how should it be applied?
Discipline can be effective in managing tantrums, especially if it’s used to teach appropriate behaviors and not as a punishment. The rules and boundaries should be consistent, clear, and communicated to the toddler in a way they can understand. For instance, if your child throws a tantrum after breaking a rule, explain the consequence calmly and follow through every time. This consistency helps toddlers learn expectations and the consequences of their actions.
Is it ever okay to give in during a toddler tantrum?
Giving in during a tantrum can sometimes be tempting, especially if it happens in a public or inconvenient setting. However, this can teach toddlers that tantrums are a successful way to get what they want. It's important to be consistent in your responses and to avoid reinforcing the tantrum behavior. If you must change your response due to the situation, try to do so in a way that does not directly reward the tantrum. For example, you might offer a distraction or a choice that aligns with your rules.
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