How to cope with a miscarriage: 11 ways to feel better
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
If you’re unsure how to cope with miscarriage, discover these 11 mindful tips to process your loss, reconnect with yourself, and invite hope back into your life again.
Most people know what a miscarriage is, but unless you’ve had one, you may not understand just how devastating it can be.
One minute, you were planning a future and maybe even picking out names. And the next, you’re grieving a pregnancy loss, yes, but also the what-could-have-been future you’d imagined.
Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or just numb. Maybe you’re furious at your body or the world. Maybe you just can’t stop crying. Whatever you’re feeling—grief, guilt, rage, sadness—it’s all valid. Your grief is real, and as much as you probably wish it wasn’t, this is part of your story now, and you deserve the time and care to process it on your own terms.
Here are a few ways to start to cope with the excruciating pain of a miscarriage.
Pain and grief after pregnancy loss (and other common feelings)
There’s no easy way to describe the pain of a miscarriage. Although it’s very common—the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that early loss occurs in 10% of all clinically recognized pregnancies—it’s a unique kind of heartbreak that many struggle to articulate, because it feels so personal and complicated.
Of course, everyone processes loss differently, but many people might feel one, several, or all of these at different points:
Sadness or despair over the loss of the pregnancy, and the dreams that went with it
Guilt or self-blame, even though most of the time, nobody is at fault
Anger at your body, at others, and the world for being unfair
Jealousy, especially around other pregnant people
Loneliness, because few people know how to show up for this kind of loss
Numbness or detachment, where you feel disconnected from everything, even your own body
You might also feel relief — and that’s okay too. Maybe you didn’t feel ready for a baby, or maybe you were scared. Whatever you felt then, and whatever you’re feeling now, is perfectly okay.
Miscarriage grief is not something to “get over.” It’s something to move through, gently, in your own time, for as long as it takes.
Read more: How to comfort someone who had a miscarriage: 10 ways to help
How to cope with miscarriage: 11 ways to begin healing
There’s no playbook for how to cope with a miscarriage, and your grief doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. But when you’re ready, here are 11 ways to help you begin processing your loss.
1. Give yourself full permission to grieve
Grief doesn’t have a deadline. You don’t owe anyone a timeline, a silver lining, or a brave face. You’re allowed to be devastated. You have permission to cry in the car or cancel dinner plans. Right now, you need to focus on yourself.
Try this: Write down the phrase, “I am allowed to feel…” and finish the sentence honestly. No filtering. No self-editing.
💙 Grief can be all-consuming. In his Caring for Your Grief series, Lama Rod Owens explores how to recognize your grief, what it feels like, and ways to navigate it with self-compassion.
2. Name the loss in a way that feels right for you
Some people find comfort in naming the baby they lost. Others don’t like to think of it as a baby at all. Some might want to mark the due date with a ritual. Others might avoid the calendar completely.
The important thing is choosing language and meaning that honors your experience, whether you say “my baby,” “the pregnancy,” or “the loss.”
Try this: Create a small personal ritual. Light a candle. Write a letter. Plant something. It doesn’t have to be big — it just has to feel authentic to you.
3. Take care of your body as best you can
Your body has been through a lot. Whether your miscarriage was early or later, natural or medically induced, surgical or unexpected, there is physical recovery involved. Fatigue, bleeding, cramps, and hormonal shifts are all part of it. Be gentle with yourself.
Try this: Keep filling snacks on hand, drink lots of water, and take short walks if and when you have the energy. Let rest be enough.
4. Find safe spaces to talk about it
You don’t need a huge support system, but it helps to have someone you can lean on. That might be a therapist, a friend who gets it, or even a support group. Look for people who listen without rushing you to feel better.
Try this: Explore groups like Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support, The Miscarriage Association, or communities on apps like Peanut or Reddit (e.g., r/Miscarriage).
5. Limit your exposure to social media (and baby content)
Scrolling through ultrasound photos and birth announcements isn’t something that you need to do right now. You are allowed to mute, unfollow, or take a break entirely.
Protecting your mental space is an act of self-preservation. Not sure if social media is impacting your wellbeing? Here are 10 signs that it might be time to log off.
Try this: Use features like Instagram’s “mute” or Facebook’s “snooze” to gently set boundaries with posts that feel painful right now. Best of all, nobody needs to know.
6. Make room for anger (without judgment)
Anger is a common part of miscarriage grief. Maybe you’re angry at your body, your partner, your doctor, or the universe itself. Let yourself feel it all.
Try this: Scream into a pillow. Journal your rage. Go on a long walk and stomp it out. Hit a punching bag. You might even try writing a “rage letter” you’ll never send.
💙 Miscarriage can be rage-inducing. Tamara Levitt gives you tools to navigate this and other intense feelings in her Emotions series.
7. Notice (and honor) small moments of relief or calm
Remember that joy and sorrow can coexist. Maybe you laughed at a friend’s joke or smiled at a pleasant memory, and then felt guilty for forgetting what happened. Give yourself grace, and try to lean into the small moments of relief.
Try this: Reflect on a moment that day when your breath softened, your shoulders relaxed, or you felt a flicker of peace. Try to enjoy it. You deserve that.
8. Journal, doodle, voice memo — express without overthinking
You don’t need to be a writer or artist to process emotions creatively. Even if you’re not particularly artsy, externalizing how you’re feeling can help you make sense of your internal world. If you’ve never journalized before but are ready to start, here are seven tips that might help.
Try this: Set a timer for 10 minutes and free-write about anything you’re feeling or record a voice note to yourself each night. You might be surprised by what comes out.
9. Focus on the next small thing
When grief fogs everything up, even basic tasks can feel impossible. Don’t worry about “moving forward.” Focus on the next five minutes. Take a shower, do a single load of laundry, or make yourself a snack. These little things stack up into care.
Try this: Use the “one thing” strategy: What is one kind thing I can do for myself today? That might be eating something, texting a friend, or brushing your teeth. All wins count.
10. Reconsider what support actually means
Support doesn’t always come from where you expect it. Some people might say all the wrong things. Others might go silent. That hurts. But support might also come from unexpected places: a coworker who’s been through it, a kind stranger, or an old friend who checks in.
Try this: Keep a “support list” of the people or things that feel most stabilizing. This can include podcasts, books, and even pets.
11. Explore professional help when you’re ready
Talking to someone objective can be very helpful. Therapists who specialize in reproductive loss can validate your grief and give you tools to manage it. There is no shame in asking for help.
Try this: Look for a therapist with experience in pregnancy loss, perinatal mood disorders, or grief. Postpartum Support International and Therapy for Black Girls both have directories that filter by specialty.
How to cope with miscarriage FAQs
What are some common feelings after a pregnancy loss?
After a miscarriage, it’s common to feel overwhelmed by grief, sadness, guilt, numbness, or even relief. These emotions often don’t arrive one at a time, and they rarely follow a neat sequence. One day, you might start to feel more like yourself, and the next, you find yourself sobbing in the shower. This is all part of the grief process.
You might also experience physical symptoms, like fatigue or hormonal shifts, which can amplify emotional distress. Some people feel a deep connection to the pregnancy, others a sense of detachment. There’s no “right” way to feel. If your emotions are confusing or contradictory, that’s okay. You’re not expected to make sense of them right away. Miscarriage is a real, layered loss, and your feelings—whatever they are—deserve space and care.
How long does it take to heal emotionally after a miscarriage?
The emotional healing process after a miscarriage varies dramatically from person to person. Some people begin to feel more emotionally stable within weeks, while others find that grief continues to resurface for months—or even years—especially around anniversaries, due dates, or when others around them become pregnant.
It’s also common to experience delayed grief, where the emotional impact doesn’t fully hit until later.
There is no set timeline. Healing isn’t about reaching a finish line — it’s about integrating your loss into your life in a way that feels okay. Some days will feel heavier than others. What matters most is allowing yourself to heal at your own pace, without pressure to “move on” or “get over it.”
Is it normal to feel anger or guilt after a miscarriage?
Anger and guilt are common responses to miscarriage. You might be angry at your body for “failing,” at your healthcare provider for the way they delivered the news, at friends who say the wrong things, at pregnant people for having what you want, or at the universe for being unfair.
You might feel guilty about something you did or didn’t do, even though most miscarriages are not caused by anything within your control.
These emotions can be intense, and they often stem from the need to make sense of something senseless. It’s important to acknowledge them without judgment. Talking about your feelings with a therapist or trusted person can help you cope, especially if they start to feel all-consuming.
How can mindfulness help me cope with miscarriage grief?
Mindfulness isn’t a fix for grief, but it can offer a moment of pause. Practicing mindfulness means turning your attention to the present moment, without trying to change or judge it. This can be grounding when emotions feel overwhelming or when your mind is spinning with “what ifs.” It helps soften anxiety and reconnect you with your body, which often feels foreign or disconnected after loss.
Even taking a few mindful breaths can bring some relief. Practices like body scans, breath awareness, or gentle movement (like yoga or walking meditations) can help you feel more anchored. Here are seven breathing exercises that might help, too.
When should I consider seeing a therapist after a miscarriage?
Anyone who’s having persistent thoughts of hopelessness, detachment, or self-harm should seek help immediately, but there's no threshold you need to cross to “deserve” support.
If your grief feels heavy, if you’re struggling to get through the day, or if you’re stuck in cycles of guilt, anxiety, or numbness, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. A therapist can help you process complex emotions, navigate relationship challenges that may surface, and look ahead to the future.
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