How to cope with a fear of childbirth: 12 mindful tips
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Fear of childbirth, also called tokophobia, is common. Here are 12 tips to understand it, ease anxiety, and feel more confident and prepared for birth.
For some, the thought of childbirth sparks excitement — but for others, it stirs a quiet panic that’s hard to name. You might lie awake imagining the pain, the loss of control, or worst-case scenarios that loop on repeat. This is an exhausting, frustrating experience, but it’s also more common than you might think.
A fear of childbirth, known clinically as tokophobia, can range from mild unease to overwhelming dread, and it can affect anyone, whether it’s your first pregnancy or your fifth.
In this article, we’ll make sense of that fear, why it happens, and give you tips to help you find peace.
What is a fear of childbirth (tokophobia)?
Tokophobia is an intense, persistent fear of childbirth that can occur at any time. Some people experience it before ever becoming pregnant (primary tokophobia), while others develop it after a difficult birth or loss (secondary tokophobia).
Tokophobia can cause panic, intrusive thoughts, or avoidance of pregnancy altogether. Naming it can be the first step toward understanding it — and loosening the grip it has on you.
8 common fears related to childbirth
The “fear of childbirth” often hides a mix of smaller, specific worries. Recognizing yours can help the anxiety feel more concrete and manageable. Some of your concerns might include:
Fear of pain: Worries about how painful labor will be
Fear of losing control: Unease with the unpredictability of labor
Fear of medical procedures: Anxiety about hospitals, needles, or surgery
Fear of complications or death: Concern that something catastrophic could happen
Fear of bodily harm or change: Worries about tearing, recovery, or lasting effects
Fear of repeating trauma: Resurfacing of past birth or sexual trauma
Fear of being dismissed or powerless: Fear of not being heard by staff
Fear of emotional collapse: Concern about postpartum anxiety or depression
Each fear has its own logic, often rooted in real stories or experiences — but that doesn’t mean they need to control you.
Why does fear of childbirth happen?
Fear is usually shaped by a mix of biology, experience, and culture. Understanding what fuels yours can make it less mysterious and something you can actually learn to work with.
Emotional and psychological roots: Past trauma—whether from childbirth, miscarriage, medical care, or sexual experiences—can leave the body on alert. Even after many years, the body can hold on to that stress, and pregnancy can bring those feelings back. Existing anxiety, depression, or PTSD can also heighten sensitivity to uncertainty and pain.
Social and cultural conditioning: In movies, media, and even casual conversations, birth is often portrayed as very painful. These stories shape our expectations, especially if few people share positive, grounded birth experiences.
Cognitive and informational gaps: When information is scarce or confusing, the mind fills in the blanks with worst-case scenarios. Conflicting advice from doctors, family, and the internet can turn standard uncertainty into spiraling doubt.
Physical and hormonal factors: Pregnancy hormones heighten emotional responses, which can amplify ordinary worries. Discomfort, fatigue, and lack of sleep all make fear harder to regulate.
Instinctive protection: Some fear is rooted in biology — the body’s instinct to protect itself and the baby. That protective alertness may be fine in small doses, but distressing when it dominates your thoughts or triggers panic.
How to overcome tokophobia: 12 mindful ways to cope with a fear of childbirth
You don’t have to erase fear to have a positive birth experience. The goal is to soften anxiety, find steady support, and create plans that help you feel more in control. Here’s how.
1. Name what you’re actually afraid of
“Fear of childbirth” covers a lot of ground, including pain, loss of control, and medical complications. Write down the fears that come up most often and notice which ones feel strongest. When you know what you’re afraid of, you can respond to it directly.
Try this: Jot down a few triggers in your phone — what sparked the fear (a childbirth scene in a movie), the thought followed (“I’ll get hurt and never recover”), and one thing that might help next time (calling a friend).
Related read: 16 anxiety triggers to look for (and how to handle them)
2. Learn about birth — gently
Knowledge can be powerful, but only if you get it in the right way. Stick to reputable sources: hospital classes, midwife-led workshops, or trusted health sites. Understanding what happens during labor and what pain relief options exist can replace vague terror with clear information. Avoid graphic videos or unfiltered online stories that can raise anxiety instead of easing it.
Try this: Schedule one prenatal class and spend 20 minutes exploring your hospital’s “what to expect” page. You’ll learn enough to feel informed without falling down a rabbit hole.
3. Write flexible birth preferences
Rigid birth plans can backfire when circumstances change. Instead, write down birth preferences: guidelines that highlight what helps you feel safe, such as dim lighting, limited staff in the room, or gentle explanations before procedures. You can also note your comfort with pain relief options or interventions.
If you find yourself in a position where you have to make a decision quickly, use the BRAIN framework: Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, and what happens if Nothing is done.
4. Surround yourself with emotionally safe people
Fear often softens when you feel understood. Choose a care team—midwife, OB, doula, or birth partner—who listens and takes your anxiety seriously. Having continuous support during labor has been shown to improve satisfaction and outcomes. If you’ve experienced trauma, tell your provider so they can adjust your care to minimize triggers.
Try this: Email your midwife before your next visit: “I’m feeling anxious about birth and would like to add some notes to my care plan about what helps me feel safe.”
💙 Calm’s Meaningful Practice for Meaningful Friendship series can help you navigate your relationships during this time, too.
5. Make a simple pain relief ladder
If you’re not sure how you feel about pain relief interventions, try thinking of them as a series of steps you can move between depending on how you feel. You might start with low-intensity options like movement, heat, water immersion, or massage, and move up to gas and air, injected pain medication, or an epidural if you’d like.
Knowing these options in advance can reduce fear of the unknown and remind you that you have choices at every stage.
Try this: Write your pain relief options on index cards — one per method, with when and how to ask for it. Keep them in your hospital bag so you and your partner can refer to them easily.
6. Meet with an anesthesiologist before birth
If you’re nervous about needles, medical procedures, or the idea of an epidural, ask for a short consultation with an anesthesiologist. They can explain what the procedure involves, what it feels like, and how pain relief is adjusted.
This conversation often clears up misconceptions and helps you decide whether you’d prefer an early epidural or a “wait and see” approach.
7. Practice calming your nervous system
Your body’s stress response plays a big role in how you experience labor. Practicing grounding skills— slow breathing, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation—can train your body to stay steadier when anxiety spikes. Even a few minutes a day can make these techniques second nature when labor begins.
Try this: Pair one minute of slow, steady breathing with a daily routine, like brushing your teeth or making your morning tea, so it becomes automatic.
Related read: 18 grounding techniques to help relieve anxiety
8. Face triggers gradually, with support
Avoiding birth-related thoughts or images might feel protective, but it can actually keep fear alive. Gradual exposure helps your brain learn that these triggers aren’t dangerous. You might start by reading a neutral birth story, then take a virtual tour of your hospital, or watch one calm, non-graphic birth video.
If possible, do this alongside a therapist or partner so you can pause and debrief.
Try this: Set a 10-minute timer for exposure, then finish with something soothing—music, a warm shower, or a short walk—to help your body reset.
9. Work through past trauma with professional help
If your fear stems from a previous traumatic birth, medical experience, or sexual trauma, healing that wound can make childbirth feel far less threatening.
Therapies like EMDR or trauma-focused CBT are safe and effective during pregnancy when guided by a perinatal mental-health specialist. You don’t have to revisit everything at once — the goal is to build safety before exploring deeper memories.
💙 Safety After Difficult Births, a meditation in the Calm app with Kate Johnson, can help you find a sense of peace in the present.
10. Limit anxiety-inducing information
Information overload can fuel anxiety, especially when online spaces highlight worst-case scenarios. Choose two trusted sources—like your hospital website and a recognized pregnancy charity—and mute the rest. You’ll still stay informed, but you’ll protect your mental space from unnecessary noise.
11. Prepare your body and environment
Practical preparation can quiet anxiety by making birth feel less abstract. Visit or virtually tour your birthing unit so it feels familiar, and be sure to include small comforts—soft pajamas, a cozy blanket, or comfortable slippers—when you pack your hospital bag.
You might also take a birthing class, do prenatal yoga, or ask your midwife about perineal massage, which can help prevent tearing and increase body confidence.
12. Make a “what-if” plan
Having a simple plan for handling fear in the moment can make you feel more secure. Write down what helps when anxiety spikes (a breathing cue, a song, or a phrase for staff like “I’m panicking — please speak slowly”). Include notes on how you’d like support if interventions become necessary, such as wanting your partner present or music playing during a cesarean.
After birth, schedule a debrief with your midwife or doctor to process what happened. If your fear remains intense, ask for a referral to a perinatal psychiatrist. Sometimes short-term medication or specialized therapy can help you recover emotionally and physically.
Fear of childbirth FAQs
Is it normal to have a fear of childbirth pain?
Worrying about childbirth pain is very common, especially because many people are conditioned to believe that birth is an unbearable experience.
In reality, childbirth is usually manageable with the right support and/or pain-relief options. It helps to learn what’s available—like breathing techniques, warm water, movement, or an epidural—so you feel prepared rather than powerless.
What is tokophobia, and how is it treated?
Tokophobia is an intense fear of childbirth that can cause distress or avoidance of pregnancy. Treatment often combines therapy—such as CBT or trauma-focused counseling—with gentle education and mindfulness. In some cases, people might consider medication. With the right support, tokophobia usually becomes far more manageable.
How can I get over my fear of dying during childbirth?
The fear of dying during childbirth is instinctive and understandable. While modern maternity care has made birth much safer overall, systemic inequities mean that some parents—especially Black, Indigenous, and other marginalized people—still face higher risks.
Even so, information and support can make a real difference. Talking openly with your care team about your health, birth preferences, and emergency plans can help you feel more prepared and informed. And if fear or intrusive thoughts persist, therapy, mindfulness, and grounding practices can help calm your body’s alarm response and remind you that you deserve care, safety, and support.
Can relaxation techniques really help with my fear of labor pain?
Yes. Practices like slow breathing, mindfulness, or guided relaxation help steady your nervous system, which can lower pain perception and reduce anxiety. A few minutes of daily practice can make these tools easier to access when labor begins.
When should I talk to a doctor about my fear of childbirth?
Reach out to your doctor if your fear interferes with sleep, daily life, or prenatal care. Your midwife or OB can refer you to a perinatal mental-health specialist. Getting help early can ease pregnancy anxiety and make birth feel less overwhelming.
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