8 best ways to deescalate a workplace conflict
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Learn 8 tips and strategies to deescalate a conflict in the workplace. From active listening to mindful communication, these are the best ways to find peace at work.
The workplace can be a melting pot of different personality types, working styles, and opinions. A mix of people can create a diverse and forward-thinking environment where everyone can play to their strengths, but it can also mean that disagreements will happen from time to time.
And when conflicts arise, even small misunderstandings—like whose turn it was to empty the communal dishwasher—can quickly escalate. Bigger issues—like the office politics around who’s leading the best projects or getting promoted—can get downright ugly.
Friction between coworkers can lead to stress, frustration, and tension. The whole office environment can shift, and no one wants to work in a place like that. Plus, it adds a whole slew of awkward feelings that make going into the office each day a challenge.
But with a mindful approach and a few practical tools, you can navigate workplace conflicts calmly, deescalate tense situations, and build stronger relationships with your colleagues.
8 mindful tips and strategies for deescalating conflicts at work
Sometimes, conflicts at work can push you to the brink. In the heat of the moment, you might feel like crying, snapping at your colleagues, or walking out of the room, slamming the door, and never looking back. (Don’t do this.) Instead, here’s how to stay calm and help keep the peace — no matter how loud you want to scream.
1. Practice active listening with your coworkers
When people feel unheard, they get frustrated and resentful, and this can quickly escalate conflicts. Avoid this by fully focusing on what the other person is saying, and letting them finish without interrupting. When you show that you’re listening, others feel respected and valued, and this can make it easier to find common ground. These seven tips can help you strengthen your listening skills.
How to do it: Give the speaker your full attention, maintain eye contact, and don’t cut them off. When they’ve stopped speaking, summarize what they’ve said to confirm you’ve understood, using phrases like, “It sounds like you’re saying…” or “I understand that you feel…” This shows that you care about their perspective and helps clear up any misunderstandings early on.
2. Keep your tone calm and your body language friendly
Your tone and body language send powerful signals. If something about your manner or language feels off, it’s easy for the other person to become defensive, which can make the conflict worse. By taking a calm, open approach, you can feel more relaxed and also put the other person at ease. Also, knowing how to read other people’s body language can help you become more emotionally aware as well — here’s how to do it.
How to do it: Use a steady, low tone and avoid crossing your arms, which can seem defensive. Instead, keep your posture relaxed, make gentle eye contact, and nod occasionally to show you’re listening. Although these actions seem small, they can make the person you’re speaking with feel safe, so they’re more able to speak openly — and to listen openly, too.
3. Focus on the issue, not the person
In the heat of a conflict, it’s sometimes easy to point fingers or blame the other person. Still, try not to. It’s rarely constructive, meaning your arguments might go round in circles — and you won’t even be trying to find a solution. Separating the problem from the person involved helps keep the conversation neutral and goal-focused.
How to do it: Use “I” statements, like “I feel that…” or “I’m concerned about…” rather than saying “You always…” or “You never…” This approach focuses on the issue at hand without making the other person feel attacked or criticized.
4. Take a moment to breathe before responding to your coworker
Taking a few deep breaths before you respond can help you stay calm and think clearly, especially if you’re feeling frustrated or upset. This short pause also helps prevent impulsive reactions, which are a lot more likely to escalate the conflict. And the more you practice thinking before you speak, the easier it will be to respond mindfully. (Need extra guidance? These 12 tips can help.)
How to do it: Try the “4-4-4” breathing method next time you find yourself wanting to react. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and exhale for four seconds. This can help calm your mind and slow down your heart rate, giving you a moment to reflect before you respond.
5. Find common ground with the other person
When your emotions run high, it’s easy to forget that you may have common goals with the other person — but you probably do. After all, you both work for the same organization. Finding a point of agreement can reduce tension and make you both feel more cooperative, which can give you a solid starting point for working through an issue.
How to do it: Look for something you both care about, like a successful project outcome or a smooth team dynamic. You might say, “I think we both want to make sure this project is successful,” or “We both want what’s best for the team.”
6. Avoid using escalating language
Certain words and phrases can escalate conflict quickly, especially ones that sound absolute, like “always” or “never.” Even if you don’t mean any harm, they can feel like personal attacks, making it hard for the other person to stay open and calm.
How to do it: Instead of saying, “You always do this,” try something like, “I feel that this happens often, and I’d like to discuss a way to address it.” Keeping your language neutral and specific helps keep emotions in check and opens the door to a more constructive conversation.
💙 Learn to use Kind Communication with your coworkers to help deescalate a conflict during this meditation from the Mindfulness at Work series.
7. Be solution-focused in your mindset
A solution-focused mindset keeps the conversation on track, preventing it from turning into an argument about who’s right or wrong. Try to shift the goal from winning an argument to solving a problem, which can help to cultivate a more collaborative environment.
How to do it: Use phrases like, “How can we solve this together?” or “What can we do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?” to help both sides work towards the same goals.
8. Know when to pause a conversation with a coworker
Sometimes, it’s best to take a break. When emotions are running high, taking a short pause gives everyone a chance to cool down, reflect, and return to the conversation with a clearer head. Most importantly, this helps prevent the conflict from escalating further.
How to do it: If the conversation is getting too intense, suggest a brief break by saying, “I think a short pause could help us both collect our thoughts. Let’s get some air and come back to this in 15 minutes.” This shows that you’re committed to resolving the issue, while also giving both sides the space they need to regroup.
💙 If you can pause and find a quiet place, try the Reducing Work Anxiety body scan with Chibs Okereke to clear your mind and get a fresh perspective.
When to involve a mediator or HR in workplace conflicts
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a conflict may still feel too big or complicated to resolve on your own. In these cases, a neutral third party, like a mediator or a representative from human resources (HR), can give you some extra support in handling things. Knowing when to seek help can help you keep the work environment positive and respectful.
Remember, seeking help isn’t a failure to handle the conflict on your own — it’s a proactive way to ensure that everyone feels heard and respected. HR professionals are trained to help employees resolve conflicts and improve the overall health of the workplace, so turn to them for support.
Here are some situations where bringing in a mediator or HR might be the best next step.
When it’s a persistent conflict that won’t resolve
If you’ve tried being calm and constructive but the issue keeps coming up, it might be time to call in someone from HR. After all, ongoing tension can create a stressful atmosphere and affect both your productivity and overall team morale. An HR representative can steer the discussion in a more constructive direction, allowing both parties to refocus on the issues rather than personally attacking each other. An outsider might bring new ideas and provide new insights, too.
What to do: Let HR know about the issue and the steps you’ve already taken to try to resolve it. Be open about your goal to reach a fair and constructive solution. HR professionals are trained to handle sensitive situations, and they might even have some helpful tools or processes that you might not know about as an employee. And if you’re in HR, this guide can help you navigate your employees’ wellbeing.
If there are policy or legal concerns
Conflicts involving potential violations of workplace policies—such as harassment, discrimination, or unethical behavior—are situations where HR involvement is essential. These issues can have serious implications and may require a formal investigation to protect everyone involved. Bringing HR in early ensures that the conflict is handled professionally, fairly, and in line with company policies.
What to do: If you suspect a policy violation, document what you’ve observed, including dates, times, and specific details. This can help HR understand the situation fully. Remember that reporting these issues is not “tattling,” but creating a safe, respectful workplace for everyone.
When there’s an impact on team dynamics
If a conflict between two people affects the larger team or work environment, it’s often best to get HR or a mediator involved. (Realistically, if a conflict is causing team members to feel uncomfortable, choose sides, or avoid certain coworkers, it’s likely harming the team’s productivity and morale.) HR can step in to mediate and help everyone get back on the same page.
What to do: Let HR know how the conflict is affecting the team and share any specific examples. Be clear that you’re looking for a peaceful resolution that rebuilds a positive work environment and protects the team’s wellbeing.
When direct communication has broken down
If things have reached a point where talking directly to the other person feels impossible or unproductive—such as when emotions are consistently high or there’s strong resistance to discussing the issue—HR can act as a neutral facilitator. A professional mediator or HR representative can guide the conversation, keep it focused on solutions, and ensure each person has an equal chance to speak.
What to do: Explain to HR why you believe a neutral third party is necessary and share any attempts you’ve made to resolve the issue. Approach this as a constructive step, rather than a last resort — you’re showing your commitment to a peaceful and fair outcome.
Protecting your mental and emotional health
In some situations, repeated or intense conflict can take a toll on your mental and emotional health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious about coming to work, it’s probably time to call in a third party. They might suggest mediation, reassignment, or give you access to employee support resources like counseling services, so you can feel more comfortable at work again.
What to do: Speak with HR about the impact the conflict is having on you personally. Let them know you’d like support in addressing the issue and keeping a healthy balance between work and your wellbeing.
Best ways to deescalate a conflict in the workplace FAQs
What are common mistakes to avoid when trying to deescalate a conflict at work?
When you’re trying to deescalate a conflict, it’s best not to cut off another person while they're speaking. It can be tempting to jump in and correct someone if you feel misunderstood, but interrupting can make the other person feel dismissed and frustrated. This can intensify the disagreement rather than resolve it. Give them space to fully explain their perspective to make them feel respected and help reduce tension.
Another pitfall is using blaming language. Phrasing things as “you always” or “you never” shifts the focus away from the issue at hand and can feel like a personal attack. Instead, try “I feel” or “I noticed,” which keeps the conversation on the issue without making it seem personal.
A third mistake is assuming you already know what the other person is going to say or what their view is. Making assumptions can lead to misunderstandings, and may cause you to miss important information. A better approach is to stay curious about their perspective and ask questions to clarify. This can help show that you’re open to their input and want to understand them better, which is key to keeping the conversation calm and focused on solutions.
How can I manage conflicts with my supervisor or manager?
Managing conflicts with a supervisor can feel tricky because of the power dynamic, but handling it with respect and a focus on collaboration can make a huge difference.
Start by approaching the issue with a calm mindset and clear language, making sure to frame your concerns constructively.
Instead of focusing on what you think they’ve done wrong, share how specific actions or situations have impacted you or your work. This shows that you’re not trying to criticize them personally, but you’re simply trying to address something that affects your performance or wellbeing.
Tell them that you’re open to feedback and solutions: you could say, “I’d love to find a way for us to work through this so that I can continue contributing to the project. What’s your perspective on how we can make this work?” By keeping the conversation solution-focused, you’re showing that you respect their position while still standing up for your needs.
If the conflict feels too sensitive or if past attempts haven’t been successful, consider involving HR as a neutral facilitator to ensure both sides can feel heard.
What are some quick mindfulness techniques for immediate conflict situations?
When you’re feeling tense, mindfulness techniques can help you stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally, which can help keep the situation from escalating further.
One effective approach is deep breathing, which can be done anywhere. Pause for a moment, take a deep breath in for four counts, hold it for four, and then exhale slowly for four. This helps slow your heart rate, calm your nervous system, and gives you a brief mental reset before you respond.
Grounding exercises can be helpful, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed. A simple technique is the “5–4–3–2–1” method: Notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This helps shift your focus to the present moment and away from stressful thoughts, giving you a moment to collect yourself.
Deep breathing and counting not your thing? Here are 18 other grounding techniques you can try to help relieve anxiety.
How can I improve my communication skills to prevent future conflicts?
Improving communication skills can go a long way in preventing future conflicts at work by helping to create a positive, respectful work environment. When everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts, it’s easier to work through issues together. Here are some easy communication wins, and how they might help you.
Active listening: Fully focusing on the other person’s words without planning your response while they’re speaking can help you catch details you might otherwise miss. It also helps the other person feel valued and understood, which reduces the chances of a misunderstanding turning into a conflict.These eight active listening techniques can help you slow down and tune into what they’re saying before responding.
Express yourself clearly and kindly: Practicing “I” statements—such as “I feel” or “I’m concerned”—can help you share your perspective without sounding accusatory or defensive. Using specific examples rather than general statements also makes it easier for others to understand your point and respond constructively.
Use empathy: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Even a simple acknowledgment, like “I see why you’d feel that way,” can make conversations smoother and prevent misunderstandings from escalating. If this is an area where you need more work, check out these eight exercises to develop more empathy.
Regularly ask for feedback: Check in with your team about how things are going. This openness encourages others to communicate any concerns early on, making it easier to address issues before they become full-blown conflicts.
When is it best to involve HR in a workplace conflict?
Involving HR is often necessary if the conflict is ongoing, or it’s escalated to a point where you can’t resolve it on your own. Getting support doesn’t mean you’ve failed to handle the situation. You’re just dedicated to creating a more healthy work environment.
After all, HR representatives are trained in conflict resolution, and they might be able to facilitate a structured discussion that helps everyone find a resolution to whatever is happening..
Always involve HR if the conflict involves potential policy violations, like harassment or discrimination, or if a problem is affecting team dynamics so much that productivity or morale are being affected. HR can take steps to ensure that these serious issues are handled according to company policies, protecting everyone involved. If the conflict is causing you significant stress or affecting your mental health, HR might also connect you with resources to support your wellbeing.
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